This afternoon, outside our building, in the snow…
ZELDA: *sees two other dogs*
ZELDA: I gotta go talk to THOSE DOGS.
ZELDA: *pulls frantically*
ME: Calm down.
ZELDA *pulls frantically*
ME: Okay, girl, okay.
ZELDA: Have … to … go … over … there …
ZELDA *pulls frantically*
ME: *takes to other dogs*
OTHER DOGS: *wag tails*
ZELDA: *stretches out on ground in frozen puddle, displaying all the goods*
ZELDA: I JUST CHECKED MY WATCH AND IT’S CHECK OUT MY JUNK O’CLOCK. BEHOLD.
OTHER DOGS: *ARE INTERESTED*
ME: Zelda!
ZELDA: What?
ME: You are in A PUDDLE.
ZELDA: But I have to show these dogs my junk?
OTHER DOGS: *ARE INTERESTED*
ME: Girl, no. No. Get up.
ZELDA: Why? This doesn’t seem to be the kind of thing you would normally have a problem with. I have no SHAME about MY JUNK.
OTHER DOGS: *MUCH SNIFFING*
ME: That’s not what this is about.
ZELDA: I’m just trying to determine your position vis-à-vis me displaying my junk to these dogs.
OTHER DOGS: *SO MUCH SNIFFING*
ME: My problem isn’t you displaying your junk. It’s the fact that you are doing it in a puddle of freezing water on a freezing day.
ZELDA: You have a political issue with puddles, then?
ME: I don’t have a political problem with the puddles. My concern is hypothermia. And after that, the filth.
ZELDA: That last bit is totally a book title.
ME: Maybe. Just get out of the puddle.
ZELDA: brb *splays wider*
OTHER DOGS: *ALL THE SNIFFING*
ME: *lifts Zelda out of puddle*
ZELDA: But …
ME: *takes Zelda to day care*
At day care, 3 minutes later…
ME: *tells story of the junk and the puddle*
ME: And so anyway, that’s why she needs a towel.
DAYCARE: Hey, you know, we assign all the dogs here a high school personality. Want to hear what Zelda’s is?
ME: *is uncertain*
ZELDA: *wags tail at door to the dog room*
DAYCARE: She’s that cheerleader that everyone wants to get with?
ME: ಠ_ಠ
ZELDA: *wags tail at door to the dog room*
DAYCARE: But not a slutty one.
ME: ಠ_ಠ
ZELDA: *goes into dog room*
ZELDA: GOTTA GO. JUNK 2 SHOW.
